Happy Monday everyone! October 1st already! WOW! It's truly amazing how quickly the month of September has flown by.
I guess I should start by saying this last week has truly been a struggle, emotionally and dieting too. I wonder how many of you that read my blog are overweight and struggling with the emotions around being overweight.
I feel like everything in my life is perfect except my physical self. I have a great job, a loving husband, 2 wonderful biological kids, and the sheer pleasure of having my AWESOME nieces living with me (triplets) who are almost always the biggest helpers and cheer leading team one could ask for. So because that is all good, my burden is my physical self. I'm fat, and although I've lost 45 lbs since July, I'm still fat and still trying to lose weight. It's a slow process, which I've had wonderful success at early on, but the last two weeks have stalled. And the stalls are demotivating. I try to tell myself not to let the stalls get me off track and the quicker I get back on track the faster I'll break these stalls, but opportunity for temptations raises often in my house and this week has been another week of failing to resist those temptations.
I did pretty good all week, remember I had gained back 3 pounds putting me back at 204. Last week I tried staying strict, wanting to get back into ketosis so I could get back to loosing. I did have some weight loss here then a little gain there, never much in either direction. (I have been indulging in the carbsmart ice cream with some s/f chocolate sauce on it (about 5 net carbs in total). I've wondered if I needed to cut that to get the serious weight loss back.)
I started weight training on Friday so I am expecting a little stall/gain in the hopes that I'm building muscle.
This is the CRAZY birthday week in my house, mind you DD birthday was on 9/18, the start of this stall because I had cake and ice cream. Now I have my B-i-L birthday, (the triplets dad who also lives with us) today, my DH birthday on Friday and my DS birthday next Monday.
Also with the weather turning nicer here and the start of the fall season the girls and I made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies yesterday, which I did end up eating 2 or 3! I totally felt that crazy carb rush like I could sit down and eat the WHOLE batch. I made myself take the kids outside to play and planted my fall flowers, which did help some. But I'm feeling bad and guilty still, struggling with the F-it attitude that says screw it for the week, I'll just start again next Tuesday. Do you know what I mean....then I have this counter fear that if I do that, I'll never start again.
Previously DH and I talked about birthdays and agreed we'd celebrate birthdays by participating and having a small piece of cake and some ice cream. But stalling after DD's birthday makes me not want to do it which in turn made DH feel bad because he was looking forward to cake and ice cream many times this week and not having it be "CHEATING"
OH I don't know, is this too much rambling? Sorry...I'm just venting trying to get over this. WHY can't I just be normal??! Birthday comes along, have cake. Back to dieting. I guess I really am obsessed with loosing weight. I feel as if I have laid so much of my happiness on loosing this weight that any set backs just wreck me and I find it so hard to get back to a good place. If I don't have those results immediately then it's not working or something is wrong. I am back down to 202 today, and that is not good enough for me. I wanted to get back to the 201 I was at on the 18th. And now I'm going to be going back up again because of birthday cakes. I guess I feel maybe a little out of control, because if I decide not to have cake the DH is not going to have any and I don't think that is fair. It makes him upset to not have the cake because he was looking forward to it. But he is doing really great right now, he is down 52 lbs! I WANT to have cake, heck who wouldn't!!, but I don't think I need to have cake for his brothers birthday. I'd rather save my cheat for HIS birthday on Friday, or my DS birthday on Monday, but in the meantime I cheated with cookies...it all makes no sense!
I think I need a time out! LOL
DH just called, he has lost 53lbs as of this morning....YEAH!! I think I'm just going to force feed him my cake tonight! LOL! Just Kidding! Have a great Monday!
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UPDATED 12:55pm 10/01/2007
I have just been banned from the Kimkins website. Not for anything that I said there, or did there. I've never said or did anything negative on the site, but because they tracked my ip address somewhere else and decided they did not like the places I had been. Shame on them for invading my privacy. It actually makes me want to throw up to think that I've been violated like that.... ew..*gag*
Monday, October 1, 2007
Still Struggling
Posted by chickycola at 8:54 AM
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4 comments:
Maybe they have been watching Betty's thread on Jimmy's forum?
You might find the carb smart stuff is causing problems, write down somewhere what your eating and how your feeling and weigh each day and see if you find a pattern.
Regarding the birthday if you think you won't get away with abstaining you could always try making a low carb cheesecake or flourless cake to get you through. Just keep them clean (eg don't add low carb chocolate full of sugar alcohols, if recipe needs chocolate use pure cocoa powder, bakers chocolate or the lindt 85%).
Doesn't have to be a big cake if the others want to have the real deal you could just make yourself something so you don't feel like you are missing out and they don't feel guilty. Any leftovers, portion them and freeze straight away. Cheesecake freezes good, I used to cut mine into portions then wrap in cling wrap and then in foil.
LOL sorry Betty = Becky DOH!
Hey you! Kim here from the BL Challenge :)
hey listen we have ALL been there. I just got over what your going through. I found that I was overwhelming myslef with the total weight loss I need, discouraged when it didn't happen fast because I have Sooo much to loose. Your overwhelming yourself I think, I could be wrong you just sound like me, LOL
The ice cream bars - DITCH them! They are only making you crave sweets more. You need a clean atkins inducton to get you over these cravings.
Actually I am having one now, but tonight I will treat myself to a muffin in a minute made with some cocoa powder. I will allot for those carbs so I am still within 20 carbs. Don't tell yourself you CANT have cake and such, tell yourself it doesn't work for you. It doesn't agree with your body. That will kill the rection of your brain going, WAIT I am being deprived so now I MUST have it! I learned this in "The Thin Commandments" If you haven't read it, read it! Its a godsend to change your way of thinking about foods.
Ok, now go eat a good induction friendly snack and stay on track! :) Let me know if you need ANYTHING! ((HUGS))
Please don't be discouraged. You are awesome. I followed your blog during the 21 day detox and was so inspired by you. I only want to lose 20lbs and it is so difficult for me. And here you are already at 45lbs. You are an inspiration! Maybe instead of focusing on cake for b-days you can focus on something else. Who says cake and ice cream have to be the focus. There are so many other things you can do to celebrate the day you or anyone else came into the world. That's what it's about. Not food. Don't give up. Your before and after photos were wonderful. Just keep eating right and exercising and you will reach you goal.
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